today is autumnal equinox. although this was not my plan, it seems fitting that i'm laying in bed, unable to walk. Spirit laid me down with the clear message: be still.
the message has not been subtle! the past week, our sewage pipes backed up, and flooded the basement. the clean up has been extensive--the basement is in total upheaval. also, the stray mama cat who my daughter Kate had been fostering (along with her three lil kittens) attacked both Kate and I. my attacks came to both of my Achilles heels, landing me on crutches with an ortho referral.
it's been a week, all leading up to today, equinox. the week's events all feel ceremonial to me--straight out of the book of "you can't make this shit up" (literally and metaphorically).
after all, a wild, feral, mama cat attacked my achilles heels--sites of mythic and symbolic vulnerability.
shit surfaced in the foundation of my home, demanding attention, response, clear action.
and all of this over these last days of a summer that has turned me inside out and upside down. in such intense situations with such strong emotions present, i have felt lovingly guided in the careful consideration of what steps are needed on the path to healing, wholeness, love.
yes, i'm talking about sewage clean up and animal control. i'm talking about all of it: how to navigate our lives in these transforming times so that we are creating new grooves in the universe?
these past several days, i've stopped trying not to feel sorry for myself (funny how deeply ingrained this conditioning is!) and leaned instead into the river of self-compassion. i'm inclined to look for and see the miracles, magic and beauty. on this day where the nights balance the days, where the darkness is coming into prominence--i want to particularly welcome her in., too. i want to honor and harvest the darkness and the shit, too.
what from this season is asking for attention? what shit and beauty are coming to the surface? what harvest has emerged in our life that offers resource in our growth?
today, as i lay here amidst of the upheaval of my home, life, heart, i'm taking stock. i'm allowing and welcoming it all in. it's the material of my life and it is all here for me.
even the pain in my Achilles heels.
a poem has been with me all week as i was preparing to help lead a retreat this weekend (yeah, that didn't happen). it's a favorite by John O' Donohue on New Beginnings.
“For a New Beginning” by John O’Donohue
In out of the way places of the heart
Where your thoughts never think to wander
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire
Feeling the emptiness grow inside you
Noticing how you willed yourself on
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is one with your life’s desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
it feels good to know this as a time for new beginnings. harvest generally evokes a sense of completion. this year, i'm experiencing harvest more as material evidence of my life's spiritual path. i want to offer thanks and reverence to it all with a strong call to the next season. it is a time of new beginning.
with this thanks, i'll be sharing daily threads of journal writing, poetry making, musings on @wildrootsinc via instagram. these feel like seed prayers, written over last seasons that have born fruit beyond my imagination. these prayers are a harvest, of heart and soul.